Back to Bitching Basics

So, I pick up the phone this evening, which many of you know is a rarity, and now I'll illustrate why I never answer the damned phone:

Me: Hello?

Male Voice: Hey, Robert, you answered the phone. [He calls me Robert. I HATE that.]

Me (Recognizing voice of Brother/Chiseler): Oh -- I thought you were Uncle Mike, I just hung up with him, and I thought he might've forgotten something and called back --

Him: So you mean you wouldn't have answered if you'd known it was me.

Me (totally lying): Sure I would have.

Him (overlapping my lie): So what're you doing?

Me: Uh, nothing much, talking to you.

Him: You wouldn't have answered, would you?

Me: I said I would --

Him: So what're you doing?

A moment of stunned silence. Didn't we just have this conversation?

Me: Watching T.V. (Another lie. I rarely watch TV, but it's none of his business what I'm doing, which is working on the second book.)

Him: So listen, I hate to ask you, but could you -- I was s'posed to get paid in cash, but they won't have it till Sunday or Monday -- could you loan me like, $30?

I kid you not.

This from a guy who makes $5 an hour more than I do since he FINALLY got a job.

And brags about it to me.

And do you know what I said?

Can you guess?

C'mon, guess.

Me (another total lie): Oh, hey, sorry, I don't have it. I don't get paid till next week.

Then a little more bullshit and sayonara.

Look, Ma, I grew a spine!