Ask and... Well, Who Knows? Anything Might Happen
Wanted: 1 adult male (no children masquerading in an adult’s body). Age range: 28-50 (ish). Looks/race/religion not that important, and excessive vanity discouraged: no hair longer than mine (mid-back), and no one with more facial/skin/body products than I have (a good bit of wiggle room there.)
Must have: intelligence & common sense; a sense of humor; a job (no pimps or dealers); some financial responsibility (ie don’t borrow money on a weekly basis); some social responsibility (no litterbugs); some faith in something (your choice as to what); respect for (but not necessarily agreement with) my opinions; a liking (or at least tolerance) for cats & family; ability to entertain self while I’m writing; general understanding that all good things come from moderation.
Would prefer: kindness & patience; quick but gentle wit; someone not easily embarrassed (I am so easily embarrassed); talented hands; a good debater but reluctant arguer; an artistic soul; an appreciator of books & music; a good dancer; electrical and/or carpentry skills; a calm, pleasant voice; panache & gallantry.
Must like: quiet (at least sometimes); New Orleans; women only; monogamous sex
Must not: pursue strange or kinky sexual gratification; believe self or any family member is Messiah/Napoleon/Dracula/victim of alien kidnapping/a rock star (unless self or they actually are any of the above); consider fists/feet/additional weapons as the final arbiter to any argument; find constantly undermining others a sport/life calling
Dealbreakers: smoking, serious drugs, excessive drinking/gambling/other addictions; violence; serious lying; failure to support my writing (emotionally, not financially)
In exchange, I offer: reasonable intelligence; strong verbal, editing & writing skills; a willingness to fight fair; amazing massages; keen insight (usually); an appreciation for history/film/gallows humor/politics/Ireland/exercise/beauty; style & flair (at least I think so); some cooking ability; love, valor, compassion; a healthy distaste for real-life relationship drama; good legs & large breasts; warmth; stamina (when interested in task); charm; passion; loyalty; determined innocence; home ownership; occasional insanity & moments of despair; impatience for dithering; good phone voice; faith; hope; color & light
Undecided on: marriage; children; place where I want to settle down. Convince me.
References available upon request. References required. Serious candidates only need apply.
Must have: intelligence & common sense; a sense of humor; a job (no pimps or dealers); some financial responsibility (ie don’t borrow money on a weekly basis); some social responsibility (no litterbugs); some faith in something (your choice as to what); respect for (but not necessarily agreement with) my opinions; a liking (or at least tolerance) for cats & family; ability to entertain self while I’m writing; general understanding that all good things come from moderation.
Would prefer: kindness & patience; quick but gentle wit; someone not easily embarrassed (I am so easily embarrassed); talented hands; a good debater but reluctant arguer; an artistic soul; an appreciator of books & music; a good dancer; electrical and/or carpentry skills; a calm, pleasant voice; panache & gallantry.
Must like: quiet (at least sometimes); New Orleans; women only; monogamous sex
Must not: pursue strange or kinky sexual gratification; believe self or any family member is Messiah/Napoleon/Dracula/victim of alien kidnapping/a rock star (unless self or they actually are any of the above); consider fists/feet/additional weapons as the final arbiter to any argument; find constantly undermining others a sport/life calling
Dealbreakers: smoking, serious drugs, excessive drinking/gambling/other addictions; violence; serious lying; failure to support my writing (emotionally, not financially)
In exchange, I offer: reasonable intelligence; strong verbal, editing & writing skills; a willingness to fight fair; amazing massages; keen insight (usually); an appreciation for history/film/gallows humor/politics/Ireland/exercise/beauty; style & flair (at least I think so); some cooking ability; love, valor, compassion; a healthy distaste for real-life relationship drama; good legs & large breasts; warmth; stamina (when interested in task); charm; passion; loyalty; determined innocence; home ownership; occasional insanity & moments of despair; impatience for dithering; good phone voice; faith; hope; color & light
Undecided on: marriage; children; place where I want to settle down. Convince me.
References available upon request. References required. Serious candidates only need apply.
posted by Delhui at 8:57 PM
2 Comments:
Amen. I am a sucker especially for good dancers with good phone voices and talented hands.
Abilty to entertain self while I'm writing: priceless.
Strangely (or not so if you know me) I seem to meet so many of those requirements and expectations...ooh, wait...except for one of the big ones...sorry my red princess...
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